B.U.
12 years ago
Anyone like to Swing?
Ever feel when you speak all that's heard is, "meep, meep, meep"? Like your words somehow didn't make it past your lips to the recipients ears and there's like a brick wall in front of you that your words hit and bounce back into your mouth? No? Hm. It happens to me at times and usually in situations where honestly, I'd really LIKE to be heard. Tim makes fun of me often for this little Problem I have. It happens most often a) when I'm trying to order a drink at a bar. My "excuse me" to get the bartender's attention is just NEVER heard. "YO" sometimes works better but not always. b). When I'm meeting new people. This is the worst because I usually have tried to chime in with something witty and something is lost when I have to repeat that witty little comment. And then I have this second Problem where I turn a bright shade of red when I'm embarrassed that no one has heard me and my comment is no longer timed quite right to be funny or really wasn't so funny in the first place.
Meeting new people. Ahhh... the issue in my life at the moment. I'm not trying to toss my old friends over the cliff or anything but I would like some more "convenient" friends. Ones that live in my town. I'm realizing at the ripe old age of 37 that this is just not a simple thing to do anymore. Meet new friends. I made a boatload of friends when Hannah was first born but I've come to realize over the past 4 years that most of these friends were really just friends because we had newborns at the same time, but in reality, well, I just don't like them so much. (Not ALL of them of course since some may actually read this blog. Those of you who are my real friends... you know who you are. And if you aren't sure, this is the perfect place to tell you that you're not!). So, here I am at that ripe old age of 37 working on finding some new friends.
Here are my requirements:
- Friend needs to have kids (not that I don't like childless women but a) I have a hard time venting about my kids to women who can't relate and b) I'm jealous of these childless women many days and I don't like to be jealous of my friends.
- Friend needs to be "Real". I meet too many women who make it seem everything is jolly every day in their world and I don't buy it. Come on, cut the crap, tell it to me straight... life can suck sometimes and I want to dish it out and hear about it. Your kids aren't perfect and neither are mine.
- Friend needs to have a sense of humor. I'm tired of the weird looks I get from some women when I make a sarcastic comment. And even more tired of saying, "I'm just kidding".
- Friend needs to be Fun. Or least likes to talk about the days when she was fun and liked to have fun. Because most days I sure as hell am not fun but I like to think that somewhere deep inside that fun-ness still exists.
- Friend needs to like to swing. Ok - this one was a screener to see if you got my sense of humor... I'll keep my husband for myself, thanks. For those of you who didn't get it, "I'm just kidding."
I thought long and hard as to how to meet some new women and decided to join a tennis group. Good way to meet fun women I thought. Or at the very least, get some exercise doing something I love (or used to since it's been YEARS!). Today was my first "meeting". I was so nervous - like i was going on a first date... will they like me, was I wearing the right type tennis clothes, should I wear my (Chanel) sunglasses (I mention Chanel because it's the ONE Chanel thing I own and I really didn't want to give the wrong impression to these ladies. Overthinking? Maybe.), will they even speak to me... you know, all the normal questions that run through your head in moments like this.
There were 3 women waiting by the court when I walked up. I introduced myself and said it was my first day, blah, blah, blah. And of course, what happens? "meep, meep, meep". That's right, they didn't hear a word I said and just gazed quizzically at me. Had to repeat it all... Then I wasn't sure if I should try to join in on their conversation or just smile and look from one to the other as THEY spoke. They were talking about whether it was going to rain this weekend and I chimed in that I couldn't believe how horrendous the weather has been and that it was going to rain for the next 5 days straight, what's going on with the universe... HELLO, Debbie Downer has joined the group! At least that was the look I got from all three women all at once. I stayed quiet for the remainder of the pre-tennis time. No fast friends made there. I decided just to focus on the tennis side of the 2 hours from that point. I said, "nice shot" no matter what when my partner got the ball in. I said, "nice shot" when my opponent got a shot in. I apologized for bad shots that I made. I smiled a lot. I was just Nice. I played it Safe. So, day one in "making new friends" went ok. I certainly wasn't offensive, didn't embarrass myself too badly with bad jokes or sarcasm gone awry, and played some pretty good tennis (which strangely seemed to be what was most important to these women...). The jury is still out whether this will be the right meet-some-new-friends place or if the "wine tasting club" would have been a better place to start.
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3 comments:
I laughed out loud at "Debbie Downer"... I personally become the Incredible Woman Who Won't Shut Up when meeting new people. While I'm having one of these episodes of verbal diarrhea, that I should be simultaneously handing out cards that say "I'm a good listener when you get to know me".
My vote is for the "wine tasting club".
I've been trying to find my people here for 11 years. Yes, I have a few friends but none like you describe-until this season of little league. Finally we have found friends! All the women like all the women, all the men get along, and all the kids get along. Amazing but true. We are about 4 families and it all clicks. Keep trying-you'll get there! (Oh, and I'm 40 so I seriously know that it's harder as you get older!)
Not sure if you want me to chime in or not…I have been here for almost 9 years and I finally think I have found my good friends. The bitch, laugh, cry with ones. The ones who will be calling/texting/emailing constantly, offering to take my kids off my hands at a time of crisis and at my door with food (you know how Jews think everything will get better with a casserole and a brisket.) It took a lot of trial and error. I moved to a city where everyone already knew each other from growing up. Lots of playgroups, volunteer work and 3 different preschools but I think I am finally in the friend groove and truly blessed. It takes time. I finally hit my stride when Eli started kindergarten and all of us had kids already at or starting at the same elementary school. Keep putting yourself out there. Water seeks it own level and so do what you like, be yourself and you will meet amazing women…who think you are funny and want to swap husbands.
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