OK, I got my venting out of the way. I am now ready to write my "real" post. Sorry if my vent was out of left field or slightly not PC. I just had one of those afternoons... Ahem.
I put stars on Hannah's ceiling of her bedroom a couple of weeks ago. She'd been asking me for months, no, make that YEARS for stars on her ceiling and they've been sitting in my desk drawer for almost as long. I kept coming across them sitting there in the drawer but every time I took them out to put them up it just seemed like such a PROJECT. Standing on her bed, arms above my head for an hour, with little stars and bits of puddy to get them to stick... just wasn't appealing. But she has recently become very interested in the solar system and the stars and planets (sorry, that's redundant) and so I thought it would be the right time. A good time. A special time. It took me about 30 minutes to stick about 30 various size stars to her ceiling and when the blood finally came back to my finger tips, I gave myself a hug and a high five for FINALLY completing this project. And I turned out the lights in her room, looked up at her now beautifully lit night sky and became giddy with anticipation for how much I KNEW she'd love it.
That night as she was changing into her warm feety pajamas (oh how I love my kids in fuzzy feety pajamas), I turned out the light. She started to laugh thinking this was a new game to try to get dressed in the dark and then the glowy stars caught her eye. She gasped and said, ever so quietly, "mommy, it's BEAUTIFUL. My own nighttime, right here in my room." She climbed onto her bed and lay on her back staring. Silent. I could see her smile as my eyes got used to the darkness.
"See that one mommy? That big one to the left?"
"That's the Bebe star."
"Aww, that's sweet Hannah to name a star for Bebe (one of her grandmas). I'm sure she'd love that."
"And you see the one right over my face. The other big one?"
"Mmm Hmmm." I said
"That's the mommy star."
You bet your ass one of them better be named after me.
"Oh, thanks Han. I love that you are giving one to me."
And she proceeded to name the other two big stars, one for her other grandma and one for daddy. And then of course, all the medium size stars and tiny stars too. Everyone in her life had a star. (And if you don't have a star named after you on her ceiling you can be sure you are VERY far down on her list and you better start sucking up to her big time!)
She fell asleep that night as I told her stories of camp outs and nights of star gazing in my younger years. I lay there with her wishing I had put those stars up when she first asked for them. Her happiness was THAT great.
The mystique of the stars wore off a bit over the past week or so. She got used to them. Started not appreciating them as much. This is so common when something so beautiful is in our view day in and day out. It's sad that we take things for granted, but we do. But tonight, after she had a VERY difficult day filled with tantrums, frustration and misery (yeah, my day was worse because of it), I decided to bring her focus back to the stars.
"Hannah, let's make a wish on a star tonight, ok?"
"Mommy, I make a wish every night. It's what I do."
"Really? Every night?"
"Yup, for real, I do."
"OK, well, I want to make a wish tonight too. You go first. Make a super wonderful wish tonight Hannah."
She closed her eyes, and I watched them flutter for a few minutes and when she opened them, she was all smiles.
"What did you wish for?"
"Well, I shouldn't tell you because then my wish won't come true, but if you PROMISE not to tell anyone then I'll tell you."
"OK. I promise." I said. And in my head I told myself I was going to do EVERYTHING in my power to make whatever her wish was tonight come true. Because that's what mommies do.
"I wished that you would take me to a state or a country or a land or something where the Unicorns live. Because Unicorns are so beautiful with their sparkly horns and rainbow colored bodies."
"What a wonderful, special wish Hannah. I'm sure that would be a magnificent place to visit."
"Will you take me there one day mommy?"
"We'll keep talking about it Han. I'm not sure where that land is so I can't promise anything."
"Can't you look it up on your computer?"
"Yes, maybe I can."
I love the innocence. I love the hope, the dreams, the belief in all things wonderful at that age. How I wish I could bottle it up and remind her when she becomes cynical and pessimistic about things as she gets older that she used to believe in Unicorns. That she believed that she'd visit and befriend the Unicorns. Purple and pink and yellow horses with sparkly horns.
So tonight, I am promising myself, that although I can't exactly make this wish on a star come true for her, that I will help her to continue to believe that all beautiful magical things are WORTH believing in because they bring us to a happy place and keep us moving forward. They keep us LOOKING forward. And life is so much better when you have something to look forward to. Like visiting unicorns.
So in this holiday season, Be Happy, like you are visiting the unicorns.