Not ME!

Writing that list the other day gave me a Brilliant idea. Brilliant I say (I'm feeling somewhat British by using that word. Maybe I should say Bloody Brilliant for even more effect). Why not make each of my posts based on a list. I always have so much to say but having a "topic" fails me many days. But no matter how exhausted I am, I can ALWAYS come up with a list of stuff (have I mentioned how much I love lists?) So today's list (drumroll) is:

The Kind of Mom I will never Be
- I will never be the mom that irons her sheets. I often leave the sheets in the dryer for days, just not making it into the laundry room to take them out (luckily I do have another set) so in turn, they end up totally, unforgivably wrinkled. But I still will NEVER iron them. No one has boycotted sleeping in their beds as of yet because of it.

- I will never be the mom who gets upset when her kids clothes get really dirty. Some of my mom friends complain that their kids come home from school/camp with filthy clothes. Not me. To me, that means they are having FUN. Paint all over Hannah's shirt=a great art project. Dirt all over her skirt=playing in the sandbox. I used to work for the company who makes Wisk Detergent and their motto was Dirt Is Good. I couldn't agree more.

- I will never be the mom who lets her kids go out and about in their pajamas. Except to Dunkin Donuts, because at the hour that we're there, EVERYONE should still be in their pajamas. I see kids (and by kids I don't mean infants who never should come out of their pajamas) at the mall, at the grocery store even at the playground in their Spider Man/Dora pajamas and I'm sorry, but I cringe. I mean I have my share of lazy moments (dinner from a box DOES happen in my house) but I just think it is the epitome of laziness to not get your kids dressed. I hope I don't lose too many readers with this...

- I will never like Jazz. I know this has nothing to do with me as a mom but it's true. I've tried to like it. I'd love to be able to say, "I'm going to out to listen to some jazz" but it will never happen. Something about that little brush thingy hitting the symbol makes me want to scream.

- I will never like the fact that I have hair on my arms but I will never let my daughter know that, and will do everything in my power to not let her be bothered if she has it too. Hopefully she won't get that gene from me so she won't have to deal with comments from other grade-schoolers that she has hairy arms. This is actually the first time I'm writing that this is something I don't like about me. Only Tim and my parents actually know. One more confession... I've actually waxed my arms in the past. And I loved it! So smoooooothe! Not like I have THAT much hair but I've always wanted to be hairless. I wouldn't mind being dipped in wax and stripped clean. TMI? Sorry. Some people don't like their nose or butt. I don't like having a little too much hair. Or my toes. That's a whole 'nother post.

- I will never buy a product to decorate my house with princesses on it. Too late. This is one that a year ago would have been on my list but I folded. Hannah's bathroom now has a princess shower curtain, princess toothbrush holder, princess towels and princess shower mat. Overdone? Yes. Did I get the biggest, strongest little girl hug in the world for it? Absolutely!!

- I will never let my kids run around screaming in a restaurant. This is why I don't take my kids to restaurants. At this age, they deserve to run around and have fun. But other people deserve some peace and quiet while they dine. Yes, I am that person who will give a dirty look to a parent who doesn't even notice that their kid is crawling under MY table at a restaurant. I am not their babysitter and neither is the wait staff. This is why picnics were invented. That way, we're out of the house eating but there is plenty of open space for roaming and running. There is nothing about dining out with my kids that is relaxing or pleasant. Not for another 5 years or so...

- I will never be the mom who doesn't let her kids watch TV. Hannah is up at 6:00 every morning. This means that from 6-7:30 she is watching TV. It's the ONLY way for me to have any sanity during normal daytime hours. She also watches TV from 6-7 at night. Or sometimes from 5:30-7. She has a long day and deserves some down time just like I do. And haven't you heard... Noggin is like Preschool on TV!

- "I would never, ever leave a little child or baby by their self at home". Ok, this one came STRAIGHT from Hannah's mouth just now when I asked her something I would never do. And she's right. Not to mention I'd get thrown in jail and lose some street cred from my neighbors... I'd also feel bad.

- I would never let my kids eat cookies for breakfast. Maybe Apple Jacks or waffles with tons of syrup or a chocolate chip bagel but something about cookies just shouldn't happen. And I don't care if the box says, "made with whole grain"... they are still cookies.

Finally, just to be current with the blogging news these days, I would never put down someone who blogs for money (or product). I wish I could get some cash or free stuff from this thing (the $5.43 I've made from Google Ads doesn't count) but for now, I'll just do it for some chuckles.


Carrie said...

Ha! I am getting quite scared about the whole Disney princess thing. I've met a lot of mommies who also swore they would never let their kids near that crap and yet. . .

Damn you Walt Disney, you Mom-hating freak!

Liz said...

Hey, I love this idea...can I "copy"??

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